Verity's Homebirth Story

I love being pregnant and this pregnancy and birth was another fun adventure which I thoroughly enjoyed. I just love getting a big, round belly and feeling the baby move inside me.

I felt Braxton-Hicks contractions before I even felt the baby move for the first time. From the third or fourth month on, I felt contractions quite regularly. I eventually stopped drinking the raspberry leaf tea because they would start to come regularly and frequently. Once during the 6th or 7th month, they had come 2 minutes apart regularly for more than an hour and I was worried I might go into premature labour. This happened several more times during my last trimester, (especially when we went out or if I was sitting for long periods of time) but they were never painful. During the last month of the pregnancy, we hired a babysitter to take care of the kids twice a week and I really focused on resting. The contractions calmed down considerably and I started to believe, for the first time in months, that this baby might hang in there until her due date.

Three or four weeks before my due date, the midwife told me that the baby's head was fully engaged and that it was possible for me to go into labour at any time. Because of all the contractions I've had throughout the pregnancy and now the head being engaged, I was anticipating labour to begin at any moment. It drove me crazy... every day would go by, every Braxton-Hicks contraction would get me thinking “Could this be it?”.

During this pregnancy, I had the great fortune of discovering two amazing books about labour and the female body by Ina May Gaskin. They are called: “Spiritual Midwifery” and “Ina May's Guide to Childbirth”. I strongly believe every woman must read “Ina May's Guide to Childbirth”. These books made me really excited about labour. I didn't fear it at all. I anticipated it like a bungee jump or a jungle expedition – a challenge that I was ready for – it wouldn't be easy, many unknown's and possible outcomes but a sure sense of accomplishment and satisfaction at the end (and of course and absolutely amazing new human soul to fall in love with :)). I had a vision of how I wanted my labour to go. I wanted to have lots of contractions over many days that would get me to about 4cm dilation and then to have active labour and delivery go really quickly in just a few hours. I wanted to remain calm through it all, in control, relaxed, and open quickly and easily. It's amazing – it all happened exactly how I wanted it to.

Melanie with Verity only minutes after she was born.
May 22, 2004.

My contractions had a tendency to start and be most intense around dinner time and continue all night and disappear in the morning. My Braxton-Hicks constractions which normally were just felt as my uterus tightening, gradually became more painful (like menstrual cramps) and lower down and also in my lower back. The evening of Wednesday May 19, the contractions started to feel strong enough for me to think it might be the real thing. By bedtime, they were coming 3 minutes apart but because it was bedtime, I decided to try to sleep and hopefully this baby would wait until the daytime to come. As I fell asleep, the contractions disappeared. Thursday, May 20th at dinner time like clockwork they started up again nice and strong. After dinner we took the kids to see Shrek 2, I was very uncertain as to whether I would make it through the movie. Before the movie started, the contractions were between 3 and 7 minutes apart. Well, I made it through the movie, the contractions lasted all night this time, nice and regular. The baby was very active during the night, through the contractions. In the morning, I started to bleed and I thought “Yeah! This is definitely it! Today, I'm going to have my baby.” I called the midwife, she told me it could be another ten days even. I should call her when the contractions were less than five minutes apart and lasting 45 seconds. The contractions died down again – they continued regularly all day but far apart and not as strong. I spent the whole day sleeping since I hadn't slept much all night with the contractions. Okay, the evening of Friday, May 21st – here they come again, 3 to 7 minutes apart and lasting 30 to 38 seconds long – does it count? Should I call the midwife?

I felt like this was it, that I could really get them going if I walked around and stuff. I called the midwife and asked her to at least come and check my dilation. She was busy with another birth, so my secondary midwife (who I had not yet met) came to check me out. I liked her. I was 2 cm dilated but my cervix was at the back and needed to come down to a more central position. I was definitely in early labour but I still had quite a bit of work to do. The midwife suggested that since it was nighttime, I should try to sleep, but to call her if they got more intense. My primary midwife (Nicole) finished up at her other birth at 1am and needed to sleep. She said that she would not be able to attend my birth unless it was after 6am. I tried to sleep but they were intense enough that I needed Mishkin to help me through each one. His words of encouragement and love dramatically reduced the pain and made it easy for me to relax. I would put a big smile on my face to help produce endorphins, I would breathe deep and slow and try to sleep. Some time in the night, I think around 3 or 5 am, they got more intense so I had to moan through each one. A very soft, low moan and of course big smiles. I called Nicole at 7am “This is it!” She wasn't so sure. She asked me to take a long hot bath and see if they died down again. If they kept up at less than 5 minutes apart, even after the bath, she would come over. I thought they had died down, I was so exhausted and tired, I fell asleep between each contraction in the tub. I would wake up for each contraction and then ask Mishkin how far apart it had been and he always said “5 minutes right on the dot” but it felt a lot longer to me because I slept.

The midwife came around 9am. Cervix in place, 4 or 5cm dilated. Time to set up, we're going to have this baby today! Yay! Mishkin helped me through each contraction, they were still 5 minutes apart but slowly getting more intense. I would smile, moan low and soft, and think things like “I am a flower opening up”, “Open as wide as a baby's head”, “Pull it open, more, more”. At the beginning of each contraction, there would be a moment of “Oh! No! Here comes another one. Will I be able to handle it? I want this to stop.” I would start to squeeze Mishkin's hand. He would say “Good job, Melanie! You're doing amazing. Smile. Relax. Open up. Feel it. Let it be strong. We'll see our baby soon.” Then the pain would start to hit, I'd start to moan and it wouldn't feel as bad as I thought, then I'd start thinking “open, open”, “more, more” I actually wanted it to be more painful and get more work done. I'd even be disappointed sometimes and think “Oh! It's going away already? I wanted it to get more intense, I could have done more”. I could feel the baby push against my ribs with some of the contractions, helping to come out. We waited for the second midwife to come. When she arrived my contractions got much more intense so that my low moans were becoming louder and longer and I could feel the baby's head starting to push down. I asked the midwife to break my water and this baby would come fast. She checked my dilation, 6 or 7 cm – a long way from 10cm. I told her that if she felt comfortable breaking my water, I wanted her to. She did.

With the next contraction, she broke my water and during the contraction she stretched my cervix, I felt the baby's head coming down. The top of my uterus started to push down hard. My loud moans became the deep primal screams of a woman in labour pushing. I felt the head enter the birth canal. I know my midwife did not think it would happen so fast. She asked in a shocked voice “Were you pushing!” I screamed “Yes! Here comes another one”. I screamed and pushed, and felt a huge bowling ball between my legs pushing it's way through my pelvis. I felt like I could see exactly where she was in my body, I could feel the bumpiness of her nose and face on one side of it. (It was probably her fist and arm that I felt because her head was born with one fist on her cheek). Was I open big enough? The midwife was saying something but I couldn't hear her over my loud screaming. I managed to say: “I...can't...hear...you!”. She told me to stop pushing and to pant because the head was coming out too fast. I tried so hard to hold back and pant. To stop pushing and screaming. I was pulling on Mishkin and staring into his big blue eyes. I felt the baby's head coming out and it starting to sting and tear, but then I immediately had confidence in my body. I said to myself “Your body can do this. Relax and open bigger than the baby's head.” And she came out. The midwife said “The baby's head is out but the cord is around her neck twice really tight. Don't push until I get the cord off.” The next contraction came right away again. Pant! Pant! Pant! Hold her in don't push! It was hard because it was so uncomfortable. I felt like her big bowling ball head was still between my legs in my pelvis. I was surprised that her shoulders and body were feeling so big inside me. I wanted it out right away but I couldn't. I didn't want to strangle the baby. Finally she unwound the cord. “Okay, push”. I felt the midwife tug on the shoulder to get it out and out slid the whole body. Bliss. Up on my tummy she came, all purple and beautiful. I was so happy. I did it! Yay! I rubbed her and talked to her. I felt so great, so happy. She was pink around the eyes and lips and a little spot on her chest. They cut the cord. She was still very purple. I asked “Shouldn't she be turning pink by now?” The midwife gave her a vigorous rub on the back and said “Come on baby” and Verity started to cry loudly and she immediately turned pink all over.

It amazes me that I went from 6 or 7 cm dilation to delivery in 3 contractions lasting only a few minutes. She was so soft all over – like the tip of a horses nose. And wrinkly. When I reflect again on how wonderful this homebirth experience was, especially in contrast to a hospital birth, I notice that one big difference between a homebirth and a hospital birth is the dignity and respect which permeates the midwives attitude and conduct. They treat me and the baby with dignity, they understand and maintain the holy (spiritual) atmosphere of the birth, they treat me and the baby with respect and consideration at all times. A homebirth feels sacred, a hospital birth feels mechanical/ assembly-line-ish and I certainly was not treated with dignity and respect. While I was labouring, the midwife walked slowly and quietly around the room to set up and talked to the other midwife in a whispering voice to not disturb me. Even though there weren't any other people around other than Mishkin and the midwives, they still took care to treat my body with great respect and propriety and were very considerate of my feelings of fear of pain or shyness. Thank you Nicole and Mehnaz for your love, respect and care and most importantly – for helping us maintain the sacred atmosphere of Verity's birth.

Nicole Bennett (my primary midwife) with Verity.